GWAR Interview by Firewoman
via telephone September 11, 2010
RECIPE FOR METAL MAYHEM
In a large metal drum, mix:
>2 parts KISS on steroids
>a sprinkle of fluid-soaked Alice Cooper
>a dash of rabid Rob Zombie
>a pinch of Gallagher on crack, and
>a fifth of Slipknot, aged 30+ years
Thrash around vigorously and slam against a wall. What runs down, is the degenerate slime known as GWAR.
From his castle lair, deep within the desolation of Antarctica, front man Oderus Urungus pontificated about GWAR’s tour, new album, the Rolling Stones, plans for the destruction of the human race . . . and his love of animals (literally and figuratively).
The band is about to embark on a U.S. leg of their 2-year-long 25th anniversary tour, having just returned, as Oderus said, (from) “thrashing the people of Europe, reducing their cities to cinders and their brains to jelly. They’re glad to die, trading their lives for entertainment. They don’t understand a word of our native Antarctican. They willingly die by the millions. They haven’t had a better time since World War II.” Obviously, the term “politically correct” isn’t a part of the Antarctican vocabulary.
The U.S. tour starts on October 2nd in Baltimore. Oderus explained what American fans can expect to see and hear. “Every time we leave Antarctica, it’s another blood-soaked chapter in our filthy history. I suspect this tour will be no different. It depends a lot on what super-powered adversaries come on stage to try to rip my brains out of my head. We’re going to bring Gore-Gore along for protection. I don’t think Sammy Davis Jr. ever had to deal with a nuclear-powered cyborg trying to remove his scrotum during a performance. He had Mob security. I don’t have that, but I do have Gore-Gore, and I’m pretty stoked about that. I don’t know what we’ll face out there.”
Urungus has also added his heart-felt love of animals (AKA bestiality) to this tour. “I’m declaring animals the superior life-form on this planet. I was horrified to find that animals are made to sleep outside in little huts made of sticks and garbage. I think we’ll let them trade places with humans.” As for incorporating his new-found lust in GWAR’s on-stage performance, he says, “There will be a lot of animal sex because I’m bringing animals with me. I’m promoting my animal campaign and promoting having sex with animals. I’ll be bringing the party with me, and other people will show up to shoot my party down.”
GWAR’s latest album, Bloody Pit of Horror, will be released on November 9th. Being a pragmatic rocker, Oderus explained what we weak mortals will encounter in GWAR’s new music. “Bloody Pit of Horror comes on a circular disc. You can put it in a toaster oven and melt it. There’s also music on it which is another chapter in our relentless saga of metallic mastery. It’s every bit as loud and obnoxious as anything we’ve ever done . . . a microcosm of the human experience. Whether you’re talking about the slam pit in front of the stage, or the diseased remnants of my brain, life is a bloody pit of horror, and we’re here to celebrate that.”
While human bands often use a measured, scientific approach in the recording studio, the intergalactic Scumdogs find their muse in violence. “We just get in the practice space and smash amps over each others sphincters. We kick each other in the genitals repeatedly . . . scream, bellow, plug in electric guitars and beat on drums. We kind of have a war. They stick microphones in the room, and that’s how we write songs. We do it out of conflict, and it seems to work out pretty well. With 2 albums in 2 years, we’re on a bit of a musical tear. We’re simply enjoying the feeling that we get when we make the metal music. It’s more enjoyable than smoking crack cocaine. If you smoke crack cocaine while playing the GWAR music, that’s simply bliss beyond comprehension. (To be clear), only GWAR is allowed to smoke crack. We’re into self-gratification. We don’t really care what you want . . . it must be entertaining to us.”
While few bands can boast 20 years of existence, GWAR is approaching its 3rd decade of human corruption. Oderus explained how he and his bandmates remain at the top of the extraterrestrial charts. “Being immortal helps. Being undead savage wargods from outer space gives us an edge. Also, we’re continuously high on drugs. We have a huge drug budget. Being constantly drunk, having sex at least 8,000 times a day – all these things any rock god will tell you, will make you live forever. Just ask Mick Jagger and Keith Richards. I’m beginning to think they might have some Scumdog blood in them. I’ll tell you one thing, GWAR might be as old as the Rolling Stones, but we’ll never suck that bad. Keith Richards is fooling a lot of people. He may have been dead for years, or he’s twitching through the last moments of his life. He may have assumed a zombie-like state. People are going to be suspicious when he reaches his 120th birthday and the Rolling Stones are still touring.”
Oderus also attributes GWAR’s longevity to the masterful guidance of their manager extraordinaire, Sleazy P. Martini. “He counts the money. He’s the mastermind behind our business. Whatever we want, he immediately gets it. I don’t even bother looking at the receipts. I know Sleazy would never rip us off. I know that he’s very upfront with all of that stuff. I don’t really keep up on the money stuff because, as it turns out, I can’t count.”
This summer GWAR’s human slaves devised an event to honor their cosmic lords . . . the GWAR-B-Q. Although the extraterrestrial gods claim they didn’t attend, they were happy their minions were celebrating. “I’ve heard it was delightful. I wouldn’t sully my paws on such a createnous affair, being the ambassador of sophistication that I am. It was an opportunity for the GWAR slaves and their idiotic human followers to revel in the fact that GWAR exists. Apparently they got really drunk, bands were playing, a lot of people came, and everyone had a good time. I think they’re going to do it again next year, and I may show up and kill everyone.”
Despite Oderus’ claims to the contrary, many reported in fact, that GWAR had attended the GWAR-B-Q. He said, “We’re not about to go to some party where human beings are going. They have to pay money to see us. There were rumors we were there, but it was human beings saying they were GWAR and dressed up like monsters from outer space. They were the ones who put the whole thing on . . . the humans who run the slave pit in Virginia. They call themselves artists, but I call them boobs. I just tell them some confusing plans and let them do what they want.”
Another human celebration, Halloween, would seem to be custom-made for GWAR, but Oderus says neither the band nor their “spawn” go Trick-or-Treating. “I refuse to participate in such an idiotic spectacle. To think of it – dressing up in costumes – how absurd.”
Before returning to his raping and pillaging, Oderus had a warning for Earthlings. “GWAR are your masters. (Our shows) are the most fun things humans can ever do, so I’d advise everyone to be there when we get to whatever shithole club we’re playing in your fucking city. Everything we do is fucking awesome.”